Body of lies

Borrowed the title from one of my favorite movie. I couldn’t find anything better than that. We grew up in lies, don’t we? All the stories and fairy tales are the 1st step towards our lies. But that’s something you can forgive anyways, but what I’m about to say, that’s pretty unforgivable. πŸ˜• 😟

When people asked me what do you want to be when you grew up, I gave different answer at different time. We grew up hearing everyone telling us what to do or not. We grew up hearing you have to be something. Like your teacher, like your that doctor relative or the lawyer one. Ha ha πŸ˜€ We were too little to realize we don’t want to be like all the roll models they are presenting us. But by the time you realize that precious realization, you are long gone from what you wanted to be. You are already living someone else’s life.

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At the age of 5/6 I wanted to be a school teacher. Well I guess most of us were so. At the time of kindergarten, all we dream about having a class to maintain like our teachers do lol πŸ˜‰ like writing on the board, punishing the naughty kids, and the most fun part was checking the exam paper, ha ha i miss playing teacher-teacher πŸ˜€

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A little grown up, like when you are in the 3rd-4th grade, it changes. I wanted to be a scientist as an example. I enjoyed reading the little science text book that time so much.
And it changed from time to time. I wanted to be a classical dancer once. But I was raised in a very conservative family. Cultural practice was not common at all. I loved singing. I could remember all the song lyrics rather than my text book contents. Lol πŸ˜€ but like I said before, it was not possible being a singer either.Β After a while I wanted to be a doctor. My dad was pretty sick. And we had much help from our doctor relatives with his illness. So my parents wanted that one of their daughters would be a doctor.

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In Bangladesh, there’s a test you need to pass if you want to be a medical student. Well, I didn’t pass it. I’ve never felt that heart broken in my life. Because, not only I failed myself but also I failed my parents. Then I thought I would study something related to biology. I got a chance to study Genetic Engineering. I was happy but my family wasn’t. However I applied for an Engineering University and I got an opportunity there too. Because my elder sister is an engineer, my parents were more convinced that engineering profession is much safer. For a country like Bangladesh, fields for Genetic Engineering is not much developed,- which was totally according to the people around me that time. So I cancelled my admission in Genetic Engineering and switched to Civil Engineering.

Huh! One of the critical moments of life. Where I realized nothing is certain. Anything can happen anytime. You don’t know what’s gonna happen next so you need to grab the chance when you have it. Because you may not have it later. Lol πŸ˜›

Funny thing is, I never wanted to be an engineer, and here I am, just started my Masters course in Civil engineering in Korea. Lol biggest joke of my life πŸ˜›

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Now at this stage of life I finally realized what I wanted to be all these years. But all these years of ‘you have to be that’ kinds of garbage killed my potential a long ago.

From an early age I loved make up. But my mom was a pretty simple women. We never saw her using anything fancy. Neither me nor my sisters used or had any collection of fancy make up. So that love never had the chance to bloom. After finishing graduation, I had to wait a long time for a job. At that time I started watching lots of YouTube tutorial about make up trends and hijab style. Just for passing time, you know! I had lots of lazy time, so I started cooking too. I’ve finally understand, what mistake I made.

And now, after 26 years of my life, I know all I’ve known was lies. I’ve never wanted to be a teacher, or scientist, nor a doctor or an engineer.

I could be a make up artist. Or a cook.

My passion is make up and my hobby is cooking. And I’m too old to start building my career in any of that. In the competetion of being like all the roll models, we lost our own self before even knowing.
Some may say it’s never too late to start all over again. But it’s more likely to ask a bird fly, after you cut her wings off. May be I should’ve shouted when I had time “I’m a peacock! let me fly” like Mark Wahlberg as in the movie THE OTHER GUYS, lol πŸ˜€

Life had been pretty busy for me these days. I stay outside for like 12 hours. When I get home, little time I get to prepare food and etc. As I am a halal eater, I can’t have every food in the restaurants. Few days ago my husband was saying, class-research-make up-cooking, how do you manage them all? 😯😯😯 And I said actually I need to manage the last two, so that I can manage the first two!!

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You can’t live without what you live for, huhh??!!! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

 

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