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A Messy World

Welcome to life <3

Month

May 2016

A year in Korea

Exactly 1 year ago today I moved to South Korea. Actually today was the day I took my flight to Korea. I reached here the next day, that is in 29th May. So,  why I moved here? Well to start my own songsar (bengali word for family life). We only were together for 9days after our wedding. Before that we had time to know each other for 10 days. Sounds ridiculous? Ok, that’s how arrange marriage works you know? 😉 Well the time period doesn’t have to be that short, but in our case he couldn’t manage a longer vacation. Anyways, for 19 days it felt like somebody took me to heaven, and then he left me to where I belong. 😒 Lol 😀 After waiting 2 months and 25 days I got my visa. And a week later, I left Bangladesh.
For 3 months I thought I could do anything to come here! But the moment my father in law confirmed me that he booked my ticket that’s when I realize of course I would love to come here but I was not yet prepared to leave my family there. I had never been out of my home for 1 month, and here I am out of my home for 1 year! Huh! Life!! 😧
I was born in a family full of people. Mom, papa, grand ma, my two sisters and my brother. My elder sister got married 8 years ago, still there were too many people in my house. I used to live in the dormitory during my university life, which is full of more people anyways! Fact is I’ve never been much lonely in my life. 😶
But, here’s only two of us! He goes in his lab at morning, comes for lunch at noon and then again he goes and returns in the evening. 😒 This whole time, I was alone! At first it was okay. But soon I started feeling empty. You can pass time cooking, watching movies or tv series, or you can go outside. I couldn’t do the last one, cause I’m new here and I am not very good at remembering paths. So I had to stay home. And tried to spent my times with cooking, makeup or movies/ tv series. There were times I spent crying for hours. 😭 I couldn’t bear all these loneliness and emptyness! My husband had to go to some conferences two times the next month, i mean in June. For the first time in my life I lived alone in a house. And I cried like a baby. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t even want to cook for a single parson that time. So I made only those things which can be done in short time.  The other Bangladeshi families here visited me everyday so I don’t feel sad. And I am very grateful to them otherwise I would’ve cried more! Ha ha 😂 I think I mentioned it before, but I want to confess it one more time that I am like the crying baby type. 😆
I felt like my world is getting smaller. There’s only limited number of people I had around me to interact. 😐 I even hated going outside. Because my getup is unique here, so no matter how much I try not to catch attention, everytime I go outside I realized everyone is looking at me with surprise. 👿
Anyways I was able to deal with the being unique fact mentally, so few months later it didn’t bother me at all. And I was getting good with the roads and the paths here. Finally one day I was able to made up my mind, to go out for a walk alone for the first time. 🙂  Trust me, it felt awesome! 😄
And after applying to the university my Professor asked me to join in the lab. New lab mates, Professor, his assistant- my small world started expanding itself. Though not everyone in the lab could communicate with me, but something is better than nothing.

When my class started I got some new friends there too. I forgot how to interact with people. I was living in a small world with limited people. I forgot the feeling of having friends around me. But now I have friends, with whom I talk for hours. Sometimes they even ask if we can go out together for lunch/ dinner. And if we do, where we could go, because I’m a halal eater, i can’t go just anyplace. 😅 That may sounds like nothing, but to me that is something very special! I forgot the last time I had planned something like that, and here they come, as a blessing!

My lab mates were embarrassed with the fact that they can’t speak English. So they talked less earlier. But now they also try to interact with me. Even if someone can’t find the exact English word to tell, someone else says the correct one from his/her desk. My professor took a new assistant recently. At first she was embarrassed like the others. And now she talks with me just like the others do now! ha ha 😀 I often don’t get what they are saying at first but few seconds later I do. Pronunciation varies for people and countries. But they did make my world bigger. I am the only female foreigner in my department now. Other Korean students whom I don’t know, but when I meet them in the corridor and lift, greets me in Korean language. I don’t know any of them, they don’t either. Still they are talking to me, making me feel like I am not so alone! I always felt like I don’t have someone here to talk to, other than my husband. And here they are proving me wrong! 😀 I’ve never felt that happy in my life to be wrong.
As a foreigner when you visit a mart or super shop, people talks with you, because they are interested to know you. As I said before Korean people knows how to appreciate new things. And I love when they ask me something. Because each time they do that, not only they are getting to know me, but also I am getting to know them! 😇

1 year ago when I moved here, I only had a small world of two people, my husband and I. Now when I go out of my house, sometimes old people and kids wave their hands at me, not because they know me, but they want to. I feel glad when they do that. And I am grateful to each and everyone of them, for making my small world to a lot bigger one. 🙂 🙂

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Little things from Korean life

Korean life doesn’t bother me much except the fact that you can not communicate with the Korean people. But that doesn’t mean they are not friendly or they don’t want any communication. The problem is actually the language. They can’t speak English and I can’t speak Korean, so there’s always lack of communication.

I am the only foreigner in my lab. At beiginning, there were some people who could speak in english, but now i often get in trouble when I need something from them. But you know what? They try so hard to understand what are you saying. Even sometimes using Google translator! Lol 😂Though I am grateful to Google translator for being the medium of our conversation but it often becomes the joke part of the day. Seems unbelievable? Okay let me explain you how.
The most significant part of my makeup is my eyeliner. One day I went to lab trying a double winged eyeliner. One of my colleague sits just my opposite. The moment she saw me, she was like wow! I often felt like Korean ladies are huge fan of artistic eye liner, and she’s no different either. She then picked her phone and typed fast, and showed it to me, there was some Korean words translated to English as: “how drawn your eyeliner?” I typed I use Lakme instaliner. Then she typed again: “Professor said you beauty”😄:mrgreen:  I was like okay thank you!

So what she wanted to say was,
“How do you apply your eyeliner?
& “Professor said you are beautiful”!!

And I am sure when I type something in English to translate in Korean, it types a grammatical joke like that too. 😒😒😒 Please don’t take me as a grammar nazi. I’m not very good at grammar, I am not good at anything. But I love the fact that we are making all this efforts to talk only!!!!

She’s my first Korean friend 😍 Though we don’t understand each other’s language, we talk using Google translator with huge grammatical mistakes, still we try to communicate. 😙

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Korean girls usually don’t get married while studying so people often get surprised hearing that I’m married!:mrgreen: And yeah, they are impressed by my cooking.;)
Few days ago, another course professor asked me if I can give a presentation about Bangladeshi culture at the end of course. That’s when I was surprised!! 😈  Really? That much interested?? 😦😦😦
I think Korean people knows how to appreciate new things perfectly.:)That’s often a big deal. Because if you can’t accept the new, you can’t accept the change.

Most amazing part of Korean life is their makeup and skin care products. Every time you buy something, they will give you some free sample.

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And what’s more a girl could hope for, huhh?;););) Specially if she’s a makeup freak?

And you will get some more gifts, when you take the membership card ❤ Why are you seeing everything from It’s skin that’s another story, which I’ll tell you another day :mrgreen:

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I am a big fan of Korean cakes and pastry shop. Because of being a halal eater, I can’t eat meat from anywhere. But in case of cakes  and sweets, it’s no problem.;)

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Everything has two parts: positive and negative. But it’s totally depends upon you, how you wanna see that. And after living in Korea for 360 days, I think my Korean life is positively negative! Lol😛

Have a good day, everyone!!!! 😇😇

 

Do mind, don’t forget!

“Never mind, forget it!” – So do you actually forget what happened when somebody says that to you? Or you will just avoid it next time? I don’t ever forget anything. No, not at all. I even waste my whole day thinking about it. Like what should I tell then, or why I didn’t do something about it earlier so, I could have a strong position during the argument, and how I would grab the chance to win over them again, blah blah -_-  Of course you don’t dream while you are asleep, you do it when you are wide awake :/ lol :p

There’s always a silent shadow remains who only talks in your head when you are alone. Just so you know that shadow’s a bitch. I don’t know if that has a gender or not, if so, mine should be a girl, because she never stops talking.  -_-  Suppose I am in okay kinda mode, she would appear from nowhere and ruin my day. Here’s how :

Shadow girl: Hey deary!

Me: Ok, please not today! I am already upset!

SG: Yeah, you totally should be!

Me: I should move on.

SG: No, you shouldn’t! You don’t forget anything, remember? (because I am here for you) And you don’t forgive either!

Me: I should concentrate on my work.

SG: Really? After what happened? And you are thinking everything would be fine later?

Me: Yup! Why not?

SG: Lol 😛 good luck with that 😀

Me: Don’t you start now!

SG: Oh yeah? So you are telling you didn’t mind at all, it didn’t break your heart, because you are that much innocent, nothing can hurt you?? Girl, you are crazy!!!!!

Me: Stop, please!

SG: Yeah baby, world is not fair! And what have you done in your entire life except losing every chance of being yourself? So everyone can hurt you more than ever?

Me: I am gonna cry now.

SG: You should, you totally should!

Me: 😥 😥

SG: I will give you your time sweety! Bye for now! (I will come once again if you start feeling good about that!)

So, that’s where she leaves me drowned in my own tears. People often says it is okay to cry, because it soothes your heart. But I feel it leaves you with a permanent scar. A scar which never fades away. It is true that sometimes I do feel good after crying but I am kind of the crying baby type, I cry for each and every thing. So, that’s why may be the soothing part doesn’t happen to me lol :p

I keep a notebook where I write everything. Okay that’s a lie, not everything! 😀 Let’s say significant things of my life. 😀  It is hard doing that sometimes, I often loose my patience lol :p But when I read it a later time, I do feel may be the scar left a spot in my heart, but deep in there it made me strong enough to survive this long!

Ummm, so the last post and this one up to now, making me look like the saddest lady in this world. (A moment of silence for me, please!) 😉 Trust me,  I have happy moments in my life too! But I am just too selfish to let anybody know about them. I want all of them hidden so nobody can cast an evil eye on them!

(Alright it sounded super funny, actually I lost my patience for the day. LOL! 😛 Good bye everyone! Have a good weekend!! :* :*)

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Waiting for a magic :/

Before you start reading, I just want you to know that today is my depression day. There’s no specific reason, sometimes I love being depressed about me and my life. -_-

Do you believe in magic? I don’t know what others think, but I do want to believe there is magic. Not black magic or voodoo type but the type we see in the serials or movies, where witches wave their hands or make a special potion which cures everything! Ha ha I know it sounds crazy! Because of such kinda crazy thinking, once one of relatives said to me you are very childish! :/  Well who doesn’t have a childish part of him/herself? May be I am just not afraid to show mine. 🙂

I have a reputation of being optimistic. Truth is, I’m not. I just take whatever life gives me, but then somewhere deep in my heart, I believe it would turn out magically! lol 😛  Obviously which doesn’t anyway ha ha 😀 But I keep on hoping. Well that’s what we live for huh??  I believe in fate, but fate doesn’t believe in me. He never did. But who cares, I am still fine, alright? 😉 Not everyone is meant to flourish, some are just supposed to survive.—  These are the things I tell everyone, when inside I am dying out finding “why always me?”! Sounds pretty optimistic right?  Told you I’m a good liar. lol 😀

There’s another thing I’m good at. I have a super sharp memory. I can remember little things of my 26 years long life very clearly. Sometimes it is fun to remember the fun part, but there’s always a dark side to everything. After long tiring day, when I need like a straight 8 hours sleep, my super sharp memory keeps me awake remembering every mistake I ever made. And sometimes I stay awake regretting for the mistakes I never made. And you know what? The extent of regret is greater for the later one. So, I actually didn’t take everything life gave me. I just took what I felt good for me. So during those night I want a magic potion which will filter my good memories from the bad ones. And I would rest in peace in my bed for the night. -_-

Or a magic carpet, so you can fly back to your past and change the things you want to change. Ahh life sounds so good, huh? But it is not. What hurts me most is, it is not fair for everyone.

Magical moments of my life never came alone, they brought some black magic too. Because it’s real life, so the magics are also life like. Like life never gives you anything without any exchange, they didn’t either.

So, I told you at the beginning this is my depression day. I should totally concentrate on my research and study instead here I am depressed and stressed out probably for the rest of the days with little hopes for some magical turn out of my life.

Is it too childish to express my feelings?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Makeup: my confidence

-“Why do you wear makeup?”

-“Ummm… because I’m ugly?????”

Lol it sounds funny but yeah that’s the truth. And I am not ashamed of admitting that. So, do I feel insecure about my look? Of course I do. But why, let’t start at the very beginning.

In my country, when a child is born, first thing people notice is her/his color. Most of the people in Bangladesh has brown color. People with very bright color is not much common, so few people who fall in to this valuable category of having the perfect color are treated as “human asset”. Again, let’s go back to the child. After judging if the kid is “forsha” (Bengali word for people with bright color), people will once again start judging if he/she has sharp nose, big eyes or head full of hair.  I mean before even coming to the world, the kid already sees the dirty side of it.

Anyways the kid grows up soon, and people gets new issues to talk. Like if she/ he is getting fat somehow, or not getting taller in height blah blah 😡 And if by any chance he/ she gets the fat/ shorty combo, everyone’s like,  “ok kid, you should kill yourself right now, nobody wants you”.!!!!!!!!! Like seriously!! 😠 Just because of not having the perfect body shape I have no place in this society?  😐

Often the fat kid becomes the fun making source of the near and dear ones. After age 10, it’s a different story for the girl child or the boy child. There’s a saying in bengali that a boy doesn’t need to be handsome, but the girl should be beautiful, because she has to get married. Sounds strange? Ok let me explain you in short, in the South Asian region arrange marriage is quite common. Where two families decides the bride and groom. Usually the groom’s eligibility is a good job with a handsome salary and the bride’s eligibility is her beauty. I will try to write a post about arrange marriage some other day, but that’s the summery of it anyways. So, now you understand why  the girl needs to be beautiful and why everyone around you is so concerned about look?

So, what’s my story? Well I am the unwanted fat-shorty combo. Actually I was very fat- shorty combo lol 😆 now just fat ha ha :p I grew up hearing how fat I am getting, and I am turning more brownish in color and yes I am too short compared to my family members! I do not need to explain but yup I had a disturbed childhood.

Every lady loves makeup from their early age. It’s in their blood. I started doing makeup as a hobby, then it turned to passion, and as I can see it’s making me look good, it became my need. Cause it’s making me flawless ❤ Ok please don’t get confused when I say flawless. It actually is flawless compared to my past very fat- short combo. 😉 So, that’s it! I was insecure, and makeup made me confident!

And yeah I do have the guts to admit that I am not beautiful, and I am trying to be beautiful using make up. But the people who criticize ladies for wearing  too much make up, do they have the guts to admit that they are jealous? Or more precisely the guts to admit that they have an ugly heart???? 😈😈😈

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I believe that, truly!

 

 

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