Before you start reading, I just want you to know that today is my depression day. There’s no specific reason, sometimes I love being depressed about me and my life. -_-
Do you believe in magic? I don’t know what others think, but I do want to believe there is magic. Not black magic or voodoo type but the type we see in the serials or movies, where witches wave their hands or make a special potion which cures everything! Ha ha I know it sounds crazy! Because of such kinda crazy thinking, once one of relatives said to me you are very childish! Well who doesn’t have a childish part of him/herself? May be I am just not afraid to show mine. 🙂
I have a reputation of being optimistic. Truth is, I’m not. I just take whatever life gives me, but then somewhere deep in my heart, I believe it would turn out magically! lol 😛 Obviously which doesn’t anyway ha ha 😀 But I keep on hoping. Well that’s what we live for huh?? I believe in fate, but fate doesn’t believe in me. He never did. But who cares, I am still fine, alright? 😉 Not everyone is meant to flourish, some are just supposed to survive.— These are the things I tell everyone, when inside I am dying out finding “why always me?”! Sounds pretty optimistic right? Told you I’m a good liar. lol 😀
There’s another thing I’m good at. I have a super sharp memory. I can remember little things of my 26 years long life very clearly. Sometimes it is fun to remember the fun part, but there’s always a dark side to everything. After long tiring day, when I need like a straight 8 hours sleep, my super sharp memory keeps me awake remembering every mistake I ever made. And sometimes I stay awake regretting for the mistakes I never made. And you know what? The extent of regret is greater for the later one. So, I actually didn’t take everything life gave me. I just took what I felt good for me. So during those night I want a magic potion which will filter my good memories from the bad ones. And I would rest in peace in my bed for the night. -_-
Or a magic carpet, so you can fly back to your past and change the things you want to change. Ahh life sounds so good, huh? But it is not. What hurts me most is, it is not fair for everyone.
Magical moments of my life never came alone, they brought some black magic too. Because it’s real life, so the magics are also life like. Like life never gives you anything without any exchange, they didn’t either.
So, I told you at the beginning this is my depression day. I should totally concentrate on my research and study instead here I am depressed and stressed out probably for the rest of the days with little hopes for some magical turn out of my life.
Is it too childish to express my feelings?