I think I’ve said it couple of times writing about arrange marriage, but that just didn’t happen because it’s a sensitive issue in the part of the world where it is maintained, but then I realized not all who lives in that part of the world gives a shit about what a messed up woman like me writes in her blog lol
So, arrange marriage is the the type of marriage where bride and groom are chosen by their families. If the families aren’t much conservative, bride and grooms are given chance to talk to each other by phone, or they can even go for a date, after the wedding is fixed. But not every couple are lucky, still there’s some part of the world, where the girl says “Kabul” (more like saying “yes”), without even knowing what her husband looks like. This is in case of Muslim wedding of course, where you have to let know that you are agreed to this wedding, in front of two to three people and so do your husband.
I’ve mentioned it before, I had an arrange marriage too. But we both were lucky, we had dated for 5days, chatted in facebook for 10days. We even talked in phone, too. Though that’s for a short period of time. The time period doesn’t have to be that short, and actually is never that short, because it kinda became a culture of Bangladesh, to arrange an fancy fairy tale wedding even if you can’t afford it. So, for planning and etc. it takes 3months~ 1year.
At first both the families exchange a detailed Bio-data of both the candidates where the educational and occupational background of their family, relatives and also their own are briefly described. Sometimes even pictures of the bride and groom included.
Usually, in country like Bangladesh an eligible bride is the one, who has attractive physical beauty, like fair color, nice body shape, tall structure and etc. Anyways, in which part of the world doesn’t praise woman like that? Though there’s some family now who give more importance to the brides educational background. But with the increase rate of girls taking part in the education and other fields, some families even want a girl both with brain and beauty to be their daughter in law.
A groom’s eligibility is a good job with a handsome salary of course, with that educational institutions are factor sometimes. Most of the families doesn’t give shit about the boy’s look, but they do like a smart son-in-law.
So, let’s start with the positive sides of an arrange marriage:
- Arrange marriages are arranged by family, so no matter what happens, you always will have family by your side, because if anything goes wrong, it’s their fault that they chose the wrong one for you.
- Usually, people in arrange marriage lives in a joint family of father-in-law, mother-in-law, sister-brother in law etc. It means greater responsibility for sure but simultaneously it means you’ve got more people to share your responsibility to.
- It is said that, divorce/separation in arrange marriage occurs less. Now, you may say, the one who does’t chose whom he/she gonna spend the life with, how he/she can have courage to stop living it too? Well, I have a different explanation about it. When you marry someone, after 3-4 years of an affair, there’s nothing new, when you actually start living with him. Some couple can find a way to deal with it and maintain the spark of the relation just as new. And you just have to respect their motivation ❤ But for some, it becomes a habit of living together, where the sparks are long gone. When you marry a completely unknown person, everyday you find something new about them. Like for me, it’s only been 1 year, 8 months, 18 days we’ve been married, there’s so much we have to learn about each other, and we are willing to do so! ❤
- People expect more from an affair marriage than the arranged one. Because when you know a person before, you have the right to expect. But, you’ve got nothing to expect from an unknown person, so a little effort from him/her always makes your day. Because this person has no idea what you like or not, but still they are trying, which is totally appreciable.
So, what’s the negativity?
- Maximum families want the perfect bride of perfect beauty. The 2nd step of an arrange marriage is both the candidates with their families meet at some common place, where they talk with each other and actually measure in their head if they are actually eligible. Some families even demand to meet with the girl again and again, because they forget to measure something every time lol 😛 Sadly, the brides family never disagree with that, they let them every time. And the girl, with a hatred against the world, have to meet them again, sometimes 5-6 times.
- Usually brides family bear the cost of the wedding. And grooms family usually wants to invite the whole country for showing off. Lol just kidding, not whole country though, but sometimes even 5000 people attends in a wedding. Can you even think of how much wastage of money happens? Anyways, this one doesn’t only happens only in arrange marriage, but also sometimes in a affair marriage too. So, that’s actually the social negativity of my country, you can say.
- The groom is also sometimes a sufferer for a country like Bangladesh. Because job scarcity and unemployment is very common, so for becoming an eligible bachelor you have to work really hard too.
For me, arrange marriage is a business contract at first. Where we both are agreed to spend the life together for the sake of our “perfect” new generation. I will only marry him, if I think he is capable of having a good financial future with good educational background, because I want my future generation to be smart. Again, he only would marry me, if he thinks I can give him beautiful kids. Actually, these are the thing our family thinks, but it’s more or less the same anyways.
So, there’s no love in a arrange marriage? Of course there is! After you successfully sign your business contract, your love life begins. You wake up next to someone every morning, you spend the whole time with him/her when you are in your house, how can you not feel love towards him? You are human after all, right? Humans have some strange power of emotions, which makes them to love someone. You do not need any reason to love or hate someone, it’s totally up to you what you gonna choose. Sometimes it’s your need, so it just happens. 🙂
I was prepared for a long time that, I’m gonna marry the person my parents choose, so arrange marriage or the after part of it, never bothered me much. My father is a businessman, so I know what business contracts are like, and I am totally okay to deal with it 😉
Have a nice day, people! ❤