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A Messy World

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Imperfection for perfection

So, yesterday Bangladeshi media went nuts with the divorce news of one celebrity couple. They both were pretty famous, and a big portion of this generation has had a crush on them. They were the example of an ideal couple to this generation and now as they are separating, everyone is making a fuss about if there’s actually any example of ‘perfect relation’ out there. From yesterday, I am reading facebook posts, where most people expressed their frustration about this news, and almost every one of them concluded that ‘so no relation is perfect’!

And I am like, seriously? What struck me even more is, everyone talks about a perfect relationship! To be honest, I never heard anything more gross than a perfect relationship! Not only a relationship, there’s no beauty in any ‘perfect’ thing. You can value perfection only in the presence of imperfection. I was even telling to my husband that, ‘you know why the moments we makeup becomes wonderful after a fight? because we had a FIGHT!’ If that didn’t even happen, there will be no MAKEUP moment. I wouldn’t even realize how much I love being with him if there’s no pause in being in love.

Perfection is gross and boring!   And people can’t bear being bored. You know, we often heard how people gets sea sickness and bored while ship traveling on sea? I strongly believe those people gets bored by the endless sea. Sea is the most beautiful creation of almighty, but for a day or two, you may enjoy that. Because you’ve never been on a cruising ship, never been in the middle of a sea before. But after three days you will realize there’s nothing exceptional about sea. You’ve already seen what you need to see in two days. And now, it’s just boring! The endless water waves are so perfect, so beautiful, yet they are nothing to you. Their perfection making them even more boring, right? If you are unfortunately fortunate may be you get to see the dark side of the sea, when there’s a storm. And even in danger you will enjoy that anyways because you never saw something so terrible yet so beautiful! Human mind enjoy darkness. For a simple example, even in the simple argument most people will love to win even with the dirtiest way. So, even when that storm is terrible, even when you are afraid about your life, somehow and somewhere inside your mind you will enjoy it.  And after a storm you may feel the sea is not that boring always, but to realize ‘that’ you have to face a ‘storm’.

Human mind can’t take perfection. There’s a dark side of everything in their world. There’s day after night, positive in negative, good in bad, by born mankind is accustomed to versatility. To impress them, you have to present the two sides of everything. They crave perfection, yet they do not want it all. You introduce them perfection with imperfection  and now they will take all of it!

There’s no beauty in light without dark, there’s no perfection in ‘flawlessness’. Imperfection is what makes perfection, ‘perfect’.

-Munira Chowdhury, 21/07/17

When you are a Muslim Bangladeshi passport holder

So many things have happened last few months. Some were okay and some kinda made me broken. I don’t know where to start, but I do know that for a long time, I don’t remember the feeling of inner peace. Even when something good happens it comes to me with lots of work and pressure afterwards.

It all began on December, 23rd. I think I’ve mentioned before I have a freaking good memory about life events, that’s why I am so exact about the date. My professor told me China University of Mining and Technology & our university, is arranging some international workshops, and the first one would be in China. So, he was asking if I can go with our lab team in China. Well, only a fool refuses this kinda opportunity, which I am not so I agreed. And I started taking preparation too. But for no reason at all, all of my lab mates were able to get visa except me.

There were no statement from them about the reason of visa rejection, but I guessed it’s because of my hijab, it’s because I am from a 3rd world country, where suddenly terrorist attack started taking place more than ever.

Well, I couldn’t take it really well. I have always been afraid of falling apart, being left alone. Like this, you know! All my lab mates went but me. Anyways, my Professor is wonderful person, as I said before. When this happened, he tried to comfort me and he offered that, there’s a conference in March, in Singapore, he wants me to take there. Few days ago before all that, I made some progress with my research work. So, the next few days I spent writing my work in journal paper format so I can submit and later present that in the conference.

The last month went being busy with working on the journal paper. The good news is it got accepted! I am really happy! This is gonna be my first international Sci paper, and the topic is exactly what my Professor wanted from the beginning. 😀 For the first time, it felt like I am giving some work to my Professor finally!

But writing a paper and checking up with the conference in the same time is not quite easy. As I said before, this is my first time. The conference systems are kinda messed up, so I always get confused about everything. Even a week ago, while we were on a vacation, I had to work then. So yeah, the vacation didn’t really feel like a vacation. It’s like I’m always checking and replying mail now-a-days. 😦

My husband says, if you want a good work, you have to put effort to it. So, take it easy. But truth is I’m not half as strong as him. :/ So, I am not doing well. I always feel tired. And when it’s time to take rest I can’t even do that. Even in dreams all I see about paper and conference. lol 😉

And the most frustrating thing is, now I always have to be in fear about visiting other countries. The international workshop this time is going to take place in Australia. But, after the last time my Professor really is confused about me. So, he keeps telling me please find out if there’s any restriction for you to visit Singapore and from last week Australia was added to this query.

I absolutely understand his concern. But this fear thing is really putting a lot of pressure to me. Things are certainly different for 3rd world countries. But things are even more different for 3rd world Muslim countries. I guess USA election and their new President’s policy, is a huge influence on this matters. After all, a big portion of the world believe all Muslims are terrorist.

Well, I didn’t know how to start, I don’t know how to finish the article. Most of my days goes by checking with conference and embassies now. Pathetic, isn’t it? Please keep me in your prayers that at least I could go to Singapore and present my work in the conference.

Best wishes!

-Munira Chowdhury, 06/02/17

Don’t get lost in your head! :)

How often do you lie? If you ask me, my answer is, well I try not to, but sometimes I need to, so that I can avoid certain circumstances. I don’t know about others, but in my religion, it is one of the most deadly sin, except if it’s a matter of death and life. But is it allowed to escape future consequences? I don’t know.

Humans are the greatest hypocrites of all the time. We want people to do things for us, which we don’t wanna do in return. We never really let people know, what is going on inside us. Like that meme we find in social networking site, that if we could actually read each others mind there would be a war in every hour. ha ha 😉

Among all the demons you face everyday, the one which is in your head is the most scariest. He is tricky, yet very careful. He always leaves you devastated in confusion. And yes, your thoughts are capable enough to destruct one life, your life. So, don’t stay too long in your head.

You already are in a battle of your heart and brain in every minute of your life; From that 1 spoon extra sugar you wanna take in your tea but with the fact that it will cost 16 calories more, no need to mention that is the littlest battle of those two, and more are always keep coming. Don’t create extra battles, you are already fighting too much.

You don’t need to get a hold of yourself, but don’t lose yourself. 🙂 There are too many people who are willing to listen to you, you may need not to share your destructive thoughts with them, but isn’t it enough that they are here? 🙂 Think about it. And don’t let them go either. Take good care of both of you and them.

Well, I am not sure why I am writing these in my blog, but with each word I am typing, I feel better. And if this post makes anyone feel better, that would be my pleasure. 🙂

Have a good day, everyone! 🙂

Arrange Marriage

I think I’ve said couple of times writing about arrange marriage, but that just didn’t happen because it’s a sensitive issue in the part of the world where it is maintained, but then I realized not all who lives in that part of the world gives a shit about what a messed up woman like me writes in her blog lol 😛

So, arrange marriage is the the type of marriage where bride and groom are chosen by their families. If the families aren’t much conservative, bride and grooms are given chance to talk to each other by phone, or they can even go for a date, after the wedding is fixed. But not every couple are lucky, still there’s some part of the world, where the girl says “Kabul” (more like saying “yes”), without even knowing what her husband looks like. This is in case of Muslim wedding of course, where you have to let know that you are agreed to this wedding, in front of two to three people and so do your husband.

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I’ve mentioned it before, I had an arrange marriage too. But we both were lucky, we had dated for 5days, chatted in facebook for 10days. We even talked in phone, too. Though that’s for a short period of time. The time period doesn’t have to be that short, and actually is never that short, because it kinda became a culture of Bangladesh, to arrange an fancy fairy tale wedding even if you can’t afford it. So, for planning and etc. it takes 3months~ 1year.

At first both the families exchange a detailed Bio-data of both the candidates where the educational and occupational background of their family, relatives and also their own are briefly described. Sometimes even pictures of the bride and groom included.

Usually, in country like Bangladesh an eligible bride is the one, who has attractive physical beauty, like fair color, nice body shape, tall structure and etc. Anyways, in which part of the world doesn’t praise woman like that? ;) Though there’s some family now who give more importance to the brides educational background. But with the increase rate of girls taking part in the education and other fields, some families even want a girl both with brain and beauty to be their daughter in law.

A groom’s eligibility is a good job with a handsome salary of course, with that educational institutions are factor sometimes. Most of the families doesn’t give shit about the boy’s look, but they do like a smart son-in-law.

So, let’s start with the positive sides of an arrange marriage:

  • Arrange marriages are arranged by family, so no matter what happens, you always will have family by your side, because if anything goes wrong, it’s their fault that they chose the wrong one for you.
  • Usually, people in arrange marriage lives in a joint family of father-in-law, mother-in-law, sister-brother in law etc. It means greater responsibility for sure but simultaneously it means you’ve got more people to share your responsibility to.
  • It is said that, divorce/separation in arrange marriage occurs less. Now, you may say, the one who does’t chose whom he/she gonna spend the life with, how he/she can have courage to stop living it too? Well, I have a different explanation about it. When you marry someone, after 3-4 years of an affair, there’s nothing new, when you actually start living with him. Some couple can find a way to deal with it and maintain the spark of the relation just as new. And you just have to respect their motivation ❤ But for some, it becomes a habit of living together, where the sparks are long gone. When you marry a completely unknown person, everyday you find something new about them. Like for me, it’s only been 1 year, 8 months, 18 days we’ve been married, there’s so much we have to learn about each other, and we are willing to do so! ❤
  • People expect more from an affair marriage than the arranged one. Because when you know a person before, you have the right to expect. But, you’ve got nothing to expect from an unknown person, so a little effort from him/her always makes your day. Because this person has no idea what you like or not, but still they are trying, which is totally appreciable.

So, what’s the negativity?

  • Maximum families want the perfect bride of perfect beauty. The 2nd step of an arrange marriage is both the candidates with their families meet at some common place, where they talk with each other and actually measure in their head if they are actually eligible. Some families even demand to meet with the girl again and again, because they forget to measure something every time lol 😛  Sadly, the brides family never disagree with that, they let them every time. And the girl, with a hatred against the world, have to meet them again, sometimes 5-6 times.
  • Usually brides family bear the cost of the wedding. And grooms family usually wants to invite the whole country for showing off. Lol just kidding, not whole country though, but sometimes even 5000 people attends in a wedding. Can you even think of how much wastage of money happens? Anyways, this one doesn’t only happens only in arrange marriage, but also sometimes in a affair marriage too.  So, that’s actually the social negativity of my country, you can say.
  • The groom is also sometimes a sufferer for a country like Bangladesh. Because job scarcity and unemployment is very common, so for becoming an eligible bachelor you have to work really hard too.

For me, arrange marriage is a business contract at first. Where we both are agreed to spend the life together for the sake of our “perfect” new generation. I will only marry him, if I think he is capable of having a good financial future with good educational background, because I want my future generation to be smart. Again, he only would marry me, if he thinks I can give him beautiful kids. Actually, these are the thing our family thinks, but it’s more or less the same anyways.

So, there’s no love in a arrange marriage? Of course there is! After you successfully sign your business contract, your love life begins. You wake up next to someone every morning,  you spend the whole time with him/her when you are in your house, how can you not feel love towards him? You are human after all, right? Humans have some strange power of emotions, which makes them to love someone. You do not need any reason to love or hate someone, it’s totally up to you what you gonna choose. Sometimes it’s your need, so it just happens. 🙂

I was prepared for a long time that, I’m gonna marry the person my parents choose, so arrange marriage or the after part of it, never bothered me much. My father is a businessman, so I know what business contracts are like, and I am totally okay to deal with it 😉

Have a nice day, people! ❤

Dedicated to husband ;)

Okay, so please don’t laugh at me, please, please, please! This is something really funny I am writing, I know. But the thing is, you know so many times, I said, I never forgive, I never forget!And recently my husband was making fun of that line, saying you should write a song with it :/ So, that’s what I did! -_-

ON YOUR FACE, DEAR HUSBAND! 😉 😛

And here it goes-

I get lost in moments,

I get lost in me.

Something can never be forgiven,

Always haunts you down from your safe haven.

Part of me keep breaking me apart,

& I give up holding myself together.

Every tear I shed, is a reminder

I never forgive, never forget, ever!

Okay, so you can make fun of me too, about my poor composition lol 😀 But all these was just to irritate him a little! If it’s not a good composition, than it’s no problem either, cause I gave you a thing to laugh, anyways! 😎 😆 😂

Have a good day, people! 🙂

Strangest thing: i hate you, i love you

They say, you have to be sad to understand the meaning of happiness. I really don’t get it. Why you can’t just be happy forever? Why almighty sent us some places, where everything comes with a price? Good days after bad days; you have to sacrifice this one, to have that one and etc. 😥

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There’s always a confusion in everything.  There are too many stranger thing in our life, but I believe the strangest thing of them is, feeling love and hatred towards the same thing. 

Like, the fact that, I miss my past old days, but I don’t want to go back there to start everything again. I hate being here in this part of world, with the littlest world I ever had, but despite of being littlest it gave me so many other things too. :/

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I hate being alive, but I don’t wanna die either, not really soon. -_- Anyways, there are other things too, which I love and hate equally lol 😛

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I have always wanted some magic potion to make myself forget somethings. Because my memory is a freaking bitch, who keeps getting on my wick. And because I have nothing to do without living with it, I always end up in tears.

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And, every tear is a reminder to myself that, I can never forgive, never forget.

When a song describes what you are feeling

First of all, a big, big, biggest SORRY, for staying too long out of blogging! I have three courses these semester with some serious as hell course professors, and also I am like dying to find out a way to survive in the field of the researchers! 😦 We had 5days long vacation of Chuseok last week, visited some nice places and fellow Bangladeshis Sunchon and Gwangju! That’s the reason, why I’ve been away for two weeks! 😦

Anyways, here I am, IN SHA ALLAH, I’ll be regular again. 🙂

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I have no idea, if you guys do it too, but I believe for every moment, there’s a particular song. And not just once, but these song proved more than once that they are explaining myself to me.

  • “Until you were gone” by The Chainsmokers with Tritonal feat. Emily Warren.

I’ve been a great fan of Chainsmokers for too long though! I am like in love with their every song. But this particular song of them is kinda underrated, I think. 😦

There’s a saying, when you are happy, you listen to the music, but when you are sad you listen to the lyrics! I always love the song with nice lyrics. So, am I sad always? LOL nah 😉  So, let’s get back to the song!

But the taste turned bitter
So I pulled the trigger
Not so easy to move on
I guess I should have known

Not so easy to move on, I guess I should have known! Gosh, how true that is! After every argue, every misunderstanding, no matter how much you want things to go back the way they were, it won’t! Some spots are permanent, you can’t ever remove them.

I was always told that only time would heal the pain
And even though it’s been so long, it still hurts just the same

It still hurts just the same! Yup, it does. We don’t laugh at the same things repeatedly, but we cry over the same things! It’s funny and it’s ironic! Not so easy to move on.

Moving in here, changed a big part of my life. I was relieved & relaxed, you don’t have to worry much when you live with your parents. But when you start your own family, you know things are never gonna be the same. From the simplest task of selecting which meal you will be putting on your table today, now, you are the one who has to take the responsibility, you are the one who needs to think how he/she’s gonna manage all the expenses.

  • “Big girls cry” by Sia.

I may cry, ruining my makeup
Wash away all the things you’ve taken
And I don’t care if I don’t look pretty
Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking

Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking. True.

  • Sia’s “Alive”.

I suddenly realize there’s too many facts about me, which was unknown even to myself! Like the fact that, I keep on shaking and trembling with palpitations when I’m excited emotionally. Even when I’m happy, even when I’m sad. Physically I am kinda vulnerable too sometimes. I stay awake night after night, fighting with all the demons in my head. But like always, I wake up every morning hoping for the best! And I’m still alive! Thanks to ALLAH!

I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you’re taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived

I’m still breathing
I’m alive

Cry into your pillow, that’s the thing didn’t change at all. For some reasons, I cry over little things every time. But is everything actually as little as they say?

See, how many lines I had to write, where these small part of lyrics, explaining me and myself! That’s what I love about music! It’s like you put on your headphone and someone else from another world saying what you need to say.

A big shout out to all the musician and singers out there for making our life much easier and lively for us!

Bye everyone! Will be back soon! ❤

Bengali mom facts :D

Bengali mom’s are super adorable, there’s no doubt about it. But when you are a bengali girl, there’s always some things which you can relate to your mom.

  • First of all,  our mom thinks, we are nothing but a kid, who has no idea what’s going on out there in the real world so she has this big responsibility of always carrying you on her shoulder.

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  • So, bengali mom hates to admit that you are growing up! ❤ You could be 22+ and some times even be a graduate, but every time when you are going alone for some shopping or to a friend’s house, she will be like “You sure, you will be fine?”

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C’mon mom! We can manage without you for an hours or two!

  • And, every time you go alone somewhere, she will ask you to call her, after reaching your destination. In my case, I always had to give her a missed call, so that she could be sure that I reached safely wherever I was going, that no one kidnapped her daughter on the way lol :p.  Trust me mommy, no one wants to take your girl except you!

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  • You are her little girl and she likes to see you young. And she will refrain you from wearing any thing that may make you look older. lol! 😀

I remember when I was in 4th grade all my friends started wearing SALWAR-KAMIZ. Though now-a-days bengali girls wear salwar-kamiz from an early age but back then it was kinda rare. Actually that was the time when the trend of little girls wearing slawar-kamiz started. Anyways, I asked for one too, to my mom, and she didn’t let me wear one, until I was in 7th grade! Reason? It will make me look like grown-ups! -_-

Same thing happened when I wanted to wear SHAREE or MAKEUP! She’s always like, no      these are the things only grown-ups do!

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  • Bengali moms always complain there’s no one to help her with the household chores. But when you offer to help, she will reply, “Go, finish your lessons!” -_-

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  • When you get a F in an exam, she will threat you saying you are not getting dinner today, as a punishment. But truth is at the end of the day there is a bigger punishment is waiting for you if you ever try to skip a meal! lol 😀

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  • When you buy something, no matter what it is, she will always tell you that, you shouldn’t have paid that much for this trash, and that she wonders if you would never learn how to bargain.

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  • During an argument, you are not suppose to win over her. Whatever she says, you should just listen.

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  • But at the end of the day, when the world is against you, when nothing is going right for you, you know there is still a parson in the world, who will  hold you tight no matter what, and who will fight back for you! Yeah, they are that much adorable! And after getting back home, you know you have to share everything with her that happened at work/school today, because she’s your best friend and you can’t live without telling her, tiny details of your life.

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And in this selfish world, we, bengali girls are nothing without our “AMMU” (bengali word for mom). Love you AMMU! ❤ ❤ ❤

A girl’s story of never giving up on things she likes

I forgot the last time I went out without wearing makeup. And you know what? I don’t even want to! The moment I finished my HSC exam (Equivalent to 12th grade), I knew that was the last no makeup day of my life. Well, back then I didn’t use this much makeup as I do now. But that was just a start, which brought me to this day of completely dependent to foundations, bb cream, powders and etc. And of course I’m proud of myself for being this way.

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Anyways, I’m not afraid to admit that I look like shit without makeup! 😛  Not everyone is beautiful naturally but we do have the right to be so by any means. 😉 Though I loved makeup from the age of 5, but I didn’t know much about it. And I remember my old days of trying makeup and being a complete mess at the end. Ha ha! I was pretty bad at blending. 😉

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I always ended up using every little piece of makeup I had and when I finished, I looked like ummmm, wait, I don’t think there’s any word to fully express how bad I looked at the end! Lol 😀 I remember the first time I went to a beauty salon, for a party makeup, during my sister’s wedding. Trust me, I never looked that bad in my life. I still  haven’t showed any pictures of that day to my husband, because I looked so ugly that I’m ashamed of myself. 😦 My younger sister also did her makeover from the same parlor, and MASHA ALLAH she looked like a fairy! But, I didn’t understand what went wrong in my case. -_- I remember everyone asking what’s wrong with my makeup, and one of my uncle said the next day that I looked like a ghost. 😦 😦

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Everyone kept telling me that, I shouldn’t wear much makeup, makeup doesn’t suit me etc. I was heart broken indeed. And after that event I have tried learning makeup. I tried to prove I could be beautiful even when I’m using makeup, and most importantly I’m not a ghost with makeup. -_- But it wasn’t that easy. Internet was kind of expensive back then in Bangladesh. So, I kept doing my messy makeup. 😉 Anyways, finally when internet became cheaper, I started following bloggers, youtubers and I never stopped practicing. And now today I look like a ghost without makeup not with it. Ha ha 😀 

So many people asked me, and still some people do, how can I manage this much time for my makeup. I even heard from some of my friends in the university (during graduation, not here) that I don’t look like an engineering student. An engineering student shouldn’t be using this much makeup and blah blah.

Truth is, I never wanted to be someone, who only keeps herself busy with study and classes. I wanted to have a taste of everything. I said to myself, I’m never gonna be that girl who knows nothing without her books. I will be that girl, who knows something of everything that dignifies her more.

That’s why I tried to learn cooking, baking and sewing too! I am not saying that I know them fully, but I know something about each of them. And I’m happy with that. I can’t practice much sewing here. :/ But I didn’t stop practicing other three. I miss being my own dress maker though. 😦 Did I ever mention that my mom and elder sister were the teachers of me for all these three? They taught me every single thing I need to know. :’)

I never wanted to be super woman but I never wanted to be just a woman either. 🙂 So, besides being a full time researcher and a Master’s student, I’m not at all giving up my hobbies. They all are part of me, and all of them together define who I am to the world. 🙂

That’s all for today! Have a great day! Bye!!! ❤

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